It Is Late And I Cannot Sleep

It is worst at night, when I am alone with my thoughts and memories. In this house, this place so rife with ghosts and history… I lie abed at night and the weight of it presses upon me. The desire to flee and make this just another foolish endeavour now abandoned is overwhelming.

I cannot succumb to this. There are challenges before me, things I not only expected, but also embraced, desperate in my desire to see them made nothing. This urge to flee and bury who and what I am in yet another name of convenience- that is the poisonous addiction of the past. I must not remain there for the weight of it, the accumulated fear, guilt and loneliness of it shall crush me. Down that path lies naught but the madness of despair.

These are but the tiniest sample of the thoughts plaguing me in the night, denying me the peace of sleep and the contentment of being in my old home. What to do when darkness and history conspire to rob you of the surcease of sleep?

We visit the blogroll. I keep several sites over there on the left hand side of this site, and each is there for some reason or another. I do not often take the time to visit them all, but I do stop by on occasion.

Alpha Patriot opines with “You Go Straight To Hell”. He offers no commentary, just a snippet of a news story and a link. It seems the Catholic Church is refusing communion to lawmakers who claim to be Catholic, but sport political positions at odds with Church teachings. Personally, I wonder what took them so long. Is this wise? The Church is not about wisdom, it is about faith. As such, the question is somewhat meaningless. It should be interesting to see what, if anything, comes of this.

Dean Esmay provides you with some truly mindless entertainment. Perhaps with enough Scotch…

Murphy, from Secret Exploits of a Girl in her Mid-20’s, is off to Miami, getting drunk with a friend. I visit her site often. I am partial to people who share their lives without reservation in the manner she does. I envy her the life she lives, with its complexities so neatly arrayed in a confusing web of utter normalcy. Even when she’s unhappy one can still sense the underlying joy of it- the downs are transient and life is for living.

Michele at A Small Victory apologizes to Roger Clemens. She still despises the man, but she apologized anyhow. Michele likes to wear her opinions out front for everyone to see. She takes the world rather seriously, hence my enjoyment of her site.

At Max Speak, Sandwichman asks a question. Max is a rather cranky soul- I suspect his outrage is the result of seeing a world that simply ought to know better. I would offer him comfort, if I could, but the world seldom takes his kind, or mine, in to account. Soldier on, Max.

Mike Hendrix at Cold Fury, takes the edge off the fury and adds his take on a current political photo-caption event in the right side of the blog world. I have a special fondness for Mr. Hendrix, who was the first blogger of note to mention my humble scribblings. His fury with the left should not be mistaken for light-hearted banter.

John at Weekend Pundit is another early fan- I do believe he would be the very first person to ever visit my old BlogSpot site, or at least the first to ever comment. He chimes in with the breathless announcement of the return of yet another missing blogger.

Etherian is a mystery woman. Yes, I will take the quiz… later. Jayne became a fan of mine, and I one of hers, long ago. I invited her to redesign my site and I believe it came out beautifully. somebody should pay her for this sort of thing…

The Cranky Professor goes on about a topic that makes me throw my hands up in despair.

At Jill’s Place, another of my favorite “day in the life” spots, Jill shares a glimpse of who her daughter may be some day. Continue standing up for yourself Lauren, it is a habit well worth cultivating.

Allison at Ain’t That A Kick In The Head shares a bit about what she learned from childhood pets. Once again, glimpses in to lives I can never share, or even truly comprehend… this is beginning to become depressing.

Witchy at Dreaming Witch was another early fan. Yet another glimmering window into the lives of people I cannot meet…

Eilir, The Rabid Librarian, I found by accident. A happy accident, as it turned out. She has a sense of humor.

What can I say about Isabella V? We both generate a little skepticism. We both seem to fascinate those who read us regularly. Beyond that, we are barely acquainted. Perhaps some day, when all the foolishness is past… tonight she shares her Best Of Me Symphony, a showcase of her readers’ favorite posts and articles.

Mr. E Poet is terribly disappointed in Mrs. Kerry. Do be careful in Baghdad, my friend.

Snarkout has an interesting short dissertation on Lost Worlds.

Debbye is a fierce American living in Toronto, Ontario. She shares a story on Canadians in Afghanistan. It is nearly a month old- I wonder where she is?

Charles Dodgson takes a look at those who would privatize Socal Security. Ever through the looking glass, Charles. Ever onward.

Steven Den Beste gives us a lesson in why words mean things, and why it is important.

Lileks is Lileks. If you cannot understand why I like him, you have not been paying attention.

Bill Whittle promises to write something as soon as he can…

Mark Phillip Alger at Baby Troll Blog lays out his disdain for “do as I say, not as I do” environmentalists in true, utilitarianist / libertarian style.

2 Responses to “It Is Late And I Cannot Sleep”

  1. There was a time when I dreaded the night.

    I would work to the point of exhaustion, just so I could have the pleasure of collapsing on the bed and falling immediately asleep. On those days that I couldn’t, I would lie awake in bed and revisit my past. Completely unbidden, the memory of every stupid or cruel thing that I had ever said or done, or that others had said or done to me, would flood in on me. I would play music. I would read. I would do whatever I could to escape that time, between wakefulness and sleep, when the Haunting, as I came to call it, would begin.

    I can’t explain what happened, really. I believe my faith has something to do with it. After all, being thoroughly convinced that the Creator of the Universe not only takes a personal interest in your well-being, but considers you of inestimable value, does an enormous makeover on your self-esteem.

    I know we don’t stand in the same circle when it comes to the specifics of faith, but it has no effect on my Faith, so I ask on your behalf for peace, if you don’t mind. That, and I recommend a glass of warm milk now and again. The chemistry involved doesn’t impact everyone, but the psychology of having a warm glass of milk is comforting, none the less.

  2. I rarely have trouble sleeping- much the opposite, I’m afraid. I can sleep any time. Every once in awhile, though, sleep eludes me, like last night. Usually, it’s because of some nagging worry that pops into my mind in the middle of the night and just won’t be satisfied. It never seems so bad once daylight comes around, and other things compete for attention. Something about being in a dark, quiet room with no distractions. I usually get up and watch tv.