This was more fun than I had thought it might be-

I am 3500 years old, give or take a century or so.

I am unsure where I was born, I have no memory of my early childhood, but I suspect it was somewhere in Scandinavia.

I am not a vampire, nor any sort of mythical or supernatural creature.

I have never met another like myself.

I am 5 feet 3 inches tall.

I used to be considered unusually tall for a woman.

I confess to being annoyed that I am now considered somewhat short.

I have red hair, green eyes and fair skin, but no freckles.

35C-23-34

I just measured myself so I could have two more entries.

I have never had much great love for clothing and yet when I indulge my vanity I do so with a vengeance.

I love the way I look in heels, but I hate wearing them.

I wear them anyhow.

The bikini is a ridiculous garment.

But I look good in one.

I have two homes, one in Boston, Massachusetts and another near Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

In Boston I do my own dishes. In Pennsylvania I let the staff deal with the domestic issues.

I like Garum, but I prefer to spice it up with horseradish.

I am also rather fond of blended Scotch Whiskey (Single malts are for fools with more money than sense).

I dislike driving, but speed thrills me.

People who meet me initially find me cold and aloof.

If they are men and single, they often lose that impression quickly.

I am not comfortable in crowds, but I generally like people.

I need to be in control of my surroundings.

I often go armed in public.

I am not a fan of guns, but I understand them. When you need one, nothing else will do.

I am adept with many weapons. My first was a sling. Yet somehow I have found over the centuries that the club or staff is most satisfying.

I can bull’s-eye a target with a throwing knife at 30 feet.

I have not killed anyone in a little over thirty years. That rapist in Chicago in 1984 does not count.

I have more money than I need, the result of a century or more of patient investing.

I seldom hold down a job these days, but I do not enjoy being idle. I take college classes or find other ways to make mischief.

My diet is built around the four basics: Meat, Whiskey, Cigarettes and Sex.

Celebrities hold little allure for me; however, Tom Cruise may zip me out of my dress any time he cares to stop by. He becomes more delectable with every passing year.

I feel rather the same way about Sir Sean Connery, so long as we are mentioning modern actors.

Oh, very well. We might as well add Raquel Welch and Halle Berry to the list.

For some reason, I find Paris Hilton endlessly amusing.

I do not keep pets, though I do have horses.

I lied- there is a large grey cat in the stables.

I rarely remember my dreams. When I do they are almost always nightmares.

My taste in music is simple- anything with a beat.

I love to dance, the faster and wilder, the better.

Slow dancing is nice, too, if I am with the right partner.

I have it from multiple good authorities that I perform an intoxicating striptease.

During thunderstorms I must control the urge to run out into the open and scream at the sky.

I still do it sometimes. Alcohol is usually the determining factor.

People who need to place other people into neat little categories usually label me a political conservative. I believe this is due to my preference for direct action.

I am often misunderstood. It is a trait I share with the short-lived.

I am rather fond of Niven’s Third and Eleventh Laws.

I detest politics.

I do not want to change the world.

I adore children, little monsters though they may sometimes be.

I cannot get pregnant.

That does not bother me so much as it used to.

By my count I have raised some 137 children, none of them my own.

Nobody can lie to my face and get away with it.

I am a demonic poker player.

The open sea terrifies me.

I rarely mourn the dead. There seems little point.

Many modern people would say I am a sexist. They are probably correct.

If God exists He is probably unknowable, and in any case is not someone I am certain I like.

Despite my feelings about God, I do have a faith of sorts.

I am no great student of philosophy, but Rousseau was an idiot.

I speak several languages, at least two of which I have mostly forgotten because no one speaks them anymore–not even scholars.

I was so very happy when the Catholic Church stopped celebrating mass in Latin. The accents always made me snicker.

English is an interesting amalgam of all the languages I have learned.

I am sometimes uncertain when I am acting and when I am being myself.

Guilt is a terrible emotion, but a necessary one.

I once fancied myself a witch who could cast spells. Then I thought myself a Goddess. Realizing that none of this was so and that it was all my imagination was one of the most difficult admissions of my life.

I am often amused by how modern Americans take reading and writing for granted.

For that matter it is somewhat amazing how much else people take for granted. The human capacity for unhappiness seems unbounded by material gain and security.

Contrary to popular perception, it seems that history rarely repeats itself. Yet humans do repeat the same mistakes.

I have sampled many illicit drugs. Few have any effect upon me, and I find people under their influence to be boring.

The Ancient Greeks had it right: the nude male form is astoundingly beautiful. Why would anyone think it ugly?

I prefer my men uncut, but I have nothing against circumcised men.

The first time I saw an aeroplane fly I was certain I was hallucinating.

Movies fascinated me, particularly when they started making “talkies”.

Westerns are very silly movies, yet I always enjoy them.

The one thing I have done that I am most proud of was being a midwife.

My last husband is buried in my back yard.

Do not bother the police- he died in 1851.

I still miss him.

I strive to remain coolly in control of myself.

At times I fear my own temper.

I like to retreat to the wilderness for solitude.

My last real camping trip lasted ten years.

I sometimes miss hunting. Hunting with a rifle is just not the same as hunting with a spear.

I never go anywhere without a roll of duct tape.

I tried to attend college full time in the late sixties, but the activism of the time left me flat.

The parties were entertaining, though.

I still have no degrees of any kind.

There was a nude painting of me hanging in the Musee du Louvre, misattributed to an “Unknown 18th Century Master”. I do not know if it is still there.

The painting was done in 1591 by my lover, Genevieve DuMont.

When I met Genevieve it had been more than one thousand seven hundred years since I had allowed myself to care that deeply for anyone.

Genevieve left me when she had the chance to marry. She broke my heart.

I forgave her. She had to do what was best for her.

I am afraid to research her. I want to believe she was happy.

I am a competent pickpocket and cutpurse.

But I try not to indulge these proclivities.

I used to find telephones discomfiting but now use them almost obsessively.

I still have no clear idea why I run this weblog.

Posted on July 25th, 2004 by Zsallia
Filed under: Miscellany