More Questions From Joe

More e-mail from Joe Bowers, whom I have mentioned before. He touches on some topics that I have been reluctant to speak to:

Do you keep friends that are ignorant of what you are? Telling untruths to hide your nature? Destined to leave them after a decade (or a little more) and never to meet them again? That has to be hard on you, not being able to get close to anyone, not having something lasting. It must be incredibly lonely to be immortal

Those I would call friends are few and very far between. Friends must be confided in, and even those whose company I truly enjoy usually cannot be trusted with the truth. I do not enjoy lying and I go to great pains to avoid situations where I would be forced to lie to someone I care about. Most times this is accomplished by remaining aloof and refusing to care, painful as that can be. In the end it is the most merciful solution for all involved.

I have married, but I have always chosen my husbands carefully- men who already have families, who are looking for a surrogate mother for their children or grandchildren, or who realistically have no prospects of ever having a family. I am not so cruel as to deny a man his chance at the only form of immortality available to him simply to satisfy my own emotional needs; furthermore, the deeper my ties the harder it is to move on. Better that I be the young bride in a May/December marriage.

Loneliness. There is a topic I deliberately avoid dwelling upon. I cannot truthfully say that I experience loneliness because my life has been so solitary for so very long that I am not sure I have any true understanding of the concept. Do I enjoy the company of others? Yes, I most certainly do. Can I tolerate being completely alone? A meaningless question for I am completely alone and so far I have tolerated my existence quite well. And yet… I keep this very public journal, something I have never done before in any way, shape or form. I keep no written diaries, no journals; I leave no traces of myself in the history books, but I decided to begin this site. It is addictive- I enjoy telling these tales, discussing things with strangers that I have kept from all but a few confidantes. It occurs to me that I have never in my life gone in to such detail and the act of revelation is thrilling in a way I have not experienced before. I know the day is coming when I must abandon this and for the first time in a very, very long time I feel reluctance at the thought of moving on. Perhaps when I do I will again become acquainted with loneliness?

2 Responses to “More Questions From Joe”

  1. And then I read the entire blog and wonder.

    To be given the chance to live for so long is a nice dream, but restricted as I am by the regular version of mortality, I have no say in the matter.

    What interests me is the drive that keeps you alive. You suggest that you can indeed perish, and make no contentions that your talents and intelligence are all experience and no talent. It certainly explains your capacity to maintain a spark of hope for so long.

    You enjoy the pleasures of living – sexual encounters, the giving of hope and the occasional removal of Evil. Those three form a pretty decent triumvirate, though food certainly would come a close fourth.

    What makes me doubt, would be the why. What purpose would keep you trudging along and lead you to just now, in the last two or three hundred years, bettering your position and actively interfering in the lives of those less gifted/cursed.

    Clayton. The Grandson. These are small bits of interference that speak volumes of intent and concern that give the lie to your alleged indifference to the world at large.

    Wouldn’t the same crushing load of experience that defines your abilities also prevent you from being able to change?

    Please don’t take my comments for attacks of any kind (although your professed indifference is an effective tool for dismissing anyone who would argue or disagree with you). I doubt because my few thirty years gives me too much insight. Grandiose? Perhaps.

    I have not experienced what you claim to – so I would not know, and extrapolation only works to a small degree. I will continue to lurk – and to question, and hopefully to continue to entertain and refresh.

    I simply cannot imagine not carrying on a correspondence as fascinating as yourself. And that’s true if you are an extremely gifted writer or indeed what your blog claims to be.

    Plus, I’m hoping to read more hot sexy talk about your sexuality.

    And something is percolating in my mind about the science behind your condition.

    p.s. – Protections aside – would you welcome a link?

  2. The above comment was first posted on 07/07/2003 prior to being re-posted here.