Methuselah’s Daughter, Part Two, Chapter 11

Chapter 11 of Methuselah’s Daughter is up at 3500years.com. This marks the beginning of Part Two of the book, subtitled Destiny’s Road as a quiet tribute to Larry Niven, a favorite author of mine. Part One was subtitled Where The Sidewalk Ends in honor of Shel Sliverstien. The subtitles were chosen with care to attempt to reflect the tone and character of the respective parts of the book (there are four, all told).

Part Two is where the book actually becomes good for me. Part One was all about introducing Zsallia and the interviewer and setting up the series of events where he starts to believe she may actually be what she says she is. During the writing of Part One Dean and I weren’t sure exactly what form the book would take. We both had ideas, but those ideas weren’t in agreement. Dean’s thought was to simply take the old BlogSpot weblog and edit it together as a sort of series of tales she would recount to the interviewer from her hospital bed. My desire was to get her out of that hospital scene as quickly as we could and get her back on her feet, then use the old blog as a rough outline for stories about her past. Obviously, my viewpoint won out, but hints of the old plan are evident in Part One.

The story of Att and Attuz (Chapter 11 is just the opening to that tale) was essentially Dean’s creation- it was inspired by a short blog entry titled Scent of Fate written very early in the life of the blog. I was still feeling out Zsallia’s voice at that time so her presentation was pretty slipshod compared to later entries. Dean felt there should be much more both before and after that incident and laid out his ideas, which were truly inspired. We were really clicking at that time and we cobbled together that entire sequence in about two weeks. To this day we point to that story as one of the most powerful ever told by Zsallia to that time.

One note regarding the BlogSpot site vs. 3500years.com:

We moved the entire site from BlogSpot to the new domain and initially intended to edit the new site to conform more closely to the story told in the novel. In the end we decided to leave it as it was; however, I did remove a couple of political posts from the new site as I wanted to tone down her political posture a bit. The old site is unedited and contains everything written up through December 2003. The new site picks up in April of 2004.

Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows- The Evil of Barnabus Collins, Via Jayne

We both agree it’s time for a Movie. Tim Burton directs, Johnny Depp as Barnabus Collins.

More from The Rose

This is more from the story The Rose. While these pieces are pretty complete the actual story never was finished. It was based partly on a GURPS campaign that never proceeded past the first few hours of gameplay- I’d thought it had lots of promise so I decided to write it as a novella, but Fantasy like this isn’t my best genre so once I reached a certain point I just gave it up. The last piece does have a bit of a cliffhanger at the end, so I supposed I might take it up again just for the heck of it. Anyhow, here it is:

What Occurred in Holedo

Marla had given up more of herself than she knew in order to become the kind of woman she felt Corwin deserved. In the end that had cost her life. Dralosahde had always felt that Marla was the stronger of the two of them, but her strength had come so much from Corwin’s love that when he was gone she simply withered away to nothing. Even then, she had held on nearly ninety years, hoping against hope that somehow he would return. When she finally did pass Dralosahde had felt it half a world away- the sense that what had once been a part of her was now gone forever.

“I miss her.”

“Mistress?” asked Cocia, startling Dralosahde out of her melancholy reverie.

“Nothing, apprentice. Nothing to concern you. Can we see the walls of the city yet?”

“Rahd spied the city when we topped a rise some time ago. We’ll arrive before noon.”

“It’s about time. If I never spend another day in a caravan it will be too soon for me.”

“We didn’t have to travel this way,” Cocia noted with a sniff. She had been distraught beyond words when her Mistress announced they would travel over land from Revenese to Holedo. A mage of her standing could have made the trip in an instant or at least booked passage on a good ship. But to travel by caravan with the heat, the dust, the smell! Undignified was the very best Cocia could say about it.

Why had she decided to spend months doing what could have been accomplished in weeks or less? Part of her simply wanted to put this off as long as possible, but there was more. She needed to get started, but she also knew that she could not be there too soon. Regardless of the deity one chose to worship there were always certain things that were ordained: until now it had not been time for her to be in Holedo.

“Soldiers are coming,” Rahd called from the bench up front.

“This should be interesting.”
“You were expecting them?” Cocia asked.

“I expected something, I just wasn’t sure what.”

She climbed out through the front of the covered wagon to stand beside her hired driver, Rahd. Up ahead the wagons of the caravan were pulling off to the side of the road to allow a column of mounted soldiers to pass. There were twelve of them, all in shining chain mail with the Holedo livery across their breastplates and the pennant of the Church flying from their lances. The lead rider also tended a spare mount and called to each wagon as he passed. When she heard his words Dralosahde felt chill.

“Marla, Lady Campbell! We are seeking Lady Campbell!”

“You’ll not be finding her, Captain. She has been dead more than four hundred years.”

He eyed her carefully and she had to admire his self control for she was not attired plainly.

Finally he spoke, “And you are?”

“Dralosahde,” she replied, wondering how much history this man knew.

“Lady Campbell and the Dralosahde were one and the same. You are the one we seek. I have been sent by the Bishop on behalf of the High Synod to collect you and convey you directly to the Basilica of The Deliverer.”

His words had the tone and tenor of an order.

“The Bishop is kind, but I have my own arrangements in Holedo. I will contact the Bishop when I have established myself.”

“I do apologize, Lady Campbell, but I have no discretion in this matter. If you will not come of your own accord I am required to force your compliance.”

Rahd was no fool. When he heard those words he quietly slipped from his perch and moved off a dozen yards or so. Meanwhile Cocia emerged from the rear of the wagon to stand at her Mistress’s side and lend support.

“You shall never again address me as ‘Lady Campbell,’ is that understood?” It was a simple and direct spell, the casting of which required no more than an act of will. The Captain blanched as if suddenly taken ill and he swayed visibly in his saddle.

“My apologies… Madam Dralosahde. None-the-less, I have my orders.”

“Your orders were to collect Lady Campbell. Since she is not here, you cannot complete your mission. Depart. Immediately.” Again, a simple, but powerful spell, this time with Cocia’s support. Without a word the Captain motioned to his men, then hesitated. Sweat broke over his brow and the strain was visible throughout his body as he turned to face Dralosahde again.

“Perhaps Madam Dralosahde would consent to being escorted to the city?”

Cocia gasped, but Dralosahde simply smiled. “Those must have been rather pointed orders, Captain.”

“Yes, Madam, they were.”

“Very well, you may escort us to the fore of the caravan and lead us to the city. Rahd! Back to your seat.”

The Captain turned with obvious relief and ordered his men to turn about as Rahd maneuvered the wagon out of line. Once everything was moving the Captain turned his mount and the spare over to two of his men and climbed aboard the wagon.

“I neglected to formally introduce myself. Captain Theris Grimm, Holedo Militia.”

“My name you know. The driver is Rahd Lambert, and my apprentice, Cocia Tembi.”

“M’Lady,” he intoned, nodding to Cocia who at least had the courtesy to acknowledge him.

“I was ready to take some sun and fresh air, Captain. Why don’t you join me here and we can speak. I am sure you can handle the wagon…”

“Surely.”

Theris Grimm was no fool. He knew that this woman was not intent on idle conversation; however, he had the most impenetrable of defenses: he knew nothing. He said so repeatedly.

“The Bishop is not in the habit of entrusting his inner thoughts to Captains in the militia. I was simply told to meet this caravan as it approached the city, gather in a certain woman of some importance and speed her on her way to the Bishop.”

“But surely there was some event that triggered such an action? I cannot believe Holedo sends her soldiers out to greet weary travelers on a daily basis.”

“There has been nothing of note, Madam. Quite honestly, the city has been as quiet as I can remember in twenty years of service. We’ve even had some explorations going in the mountains- Holedo hasn’t sent more than a token expedition into the Temberance range in more than four hundred years…”

“Really? That must be exciting. Tell me, when was the last expedition launched?”

“Hmm, that would have been two weeks ago this past Sabbath.”

Immediately Grimm could see the change in her expression, though she continued to make small talk quite effectively. She was charming and beautiful and had he not just recently felt the full weight of her power he would have dismissed her momentary discomfiture, but he had been a soldier far too long. If something had upset a creature of her obvious power and ability it could easily bode ill for mere mortals.

“Forgive my rudeness, Madam, but why are you distressed over the expeditions in to the mountains?”

She considered denying it, certain that with a little prodding she could make the Captain forget he noticed anything at all. Instead she simply gave a soft sigh and smiled.

“These are likely not simple random explorations, Captain Grimm. They are searching for something specific. Furthermore, I fear that some five days ago, they found it.”

Later

The Basilica Of The Deliverer was an imposing structure near the center of the city consisting of four towers over one hundred feet tall which were in turn surpassed by a steeple of nearly one hundred and twenty-five feet. The style was unique- traditional gargoyles, but with sweeping lines of grace and beauty and some of the finest stained glass work to be found in all the land. But out in front, in a circular courtyard surrounded by beds of brightly colored flowers there stood a pedestal of rough-hewn granite supporting a statue of bronze some thirty feet tall.

Dralosahde stopped and tried to prevent her emotion from showing. Both Cocia and Grimm seemed to sense that this was not a moment to disturb her and they waited as she stepped forward to gaze up at the bronze figure. The statue was of a man in armor, his helmet gone, and his hands resting atop the pommel of a Great Sword the point of which was thrust into the ground. His shoulders were squared, spine straight, and he stared out in to the heavens, his square jaw and determined gaze seeming to imply intense concentration.

There was a plaque, of course. She knelt and read:

“St. Corwin, Sir Campbell, Deliverer of Mankind from the Horde of Evil, Beloved Of God, Defender Of The Faith. No Creature Draws Breath But For The Grace Of God And The Sacrifice Of St. Corwin.”

 

“Oh, Corwin,” she sighed, “They blaspheme in your name. How you would have hated that.” When she stood and turned back to her companions she made no effort to conceal her pain. She would let them read whatever they chose in her tears.

Steve, Don’t Eat It!

Somehow this reminds me of the lunch line at Kennedy Jr High way back in the day…

Rewrites

So, a chapter at a time I’m going through the Novel and trying to fix stuff. Mostly it’s grammar an d punctuation- so much of this was written in a stream-of-consciousness mode and that means lots of commas and weird sentence structures. It all looked right two or three years ago, but now it’s just glaringly… bad.  No wonder we didn’t win the Blooker Prize.

The problem is not the story.  I’m not going to be modest, the book simply rocks, but that’s not enough- it has to be accessible, readable, and in going over the first 10 chapters I can see why some people would just dismiss it before getting any further. Both Dean and I thought the story was good enough to overcome any writing issues, and it is, but only if somebody is willing to keep at it. Quite frankly, the beginning of the book fails to deliver not due to content, but due to sloppiness.

The chapters I posted are a little bit fixed, not all fixed, but it ‘s very much a work in progress.

Methuselah’s Daughter, Part One, Chapter 10

The latest chapter of the novel is up at 3500years.com. I try to put up a chapter every couple of weeks, but it can get spotty, particularly if it’s a longer piece. I read through everything and try to fix anything that makes me cringe, but it’s mostly as it was initially released. We really needed an editor, and actually had a large portion of the book edited by a friend of Dean’s, but he hated what came out of that and refused to consider any editing after that.

This is probably one of my least favorite chapters in the book, mostly because Zsallia seems to step out of character a little- we were trying to give her a more human face after all her hard hearted bitchiness in chapters one through nine. I think it didn’t do a good job where that was concerned. The other problem was that it finally introduces two major characters, ten chapters into the book. Edna was originally introduced in the prelude, along with setting the scene for her house in Pennsylvania.

The original prelude was, in my opinion, so very powerful and really set the tone for the book, but it raised hackles with a couple of our test readers and got dumped (though part of it lives on as Chapter 8). Breaks my heart that the original file was lost because that’s the kind of thing I would post here, if I still had it.

You can find all the posted chapters here, in reverse order.
Methuselah’s Daughter, A Novel

Endings- Part One of The Rose

Notes:

This was first written a good twenty years ago and has gone through a few iterations since then. The names in it are all from my old D&D and Fantasy Trip ITL days. It was actually supposed to be the opening of a gaming campaign, but by then most of our old gaming crew were too far away or too married to manage the four-hours-every-Sunday we had maintained for most of the previous decade. Good times, those were.

Endings- Part One of The Rose

No one truly knows from whence the Horde came. It seemed as if it simply appeared, raging across the length and breadth of the land, destroying everything, everyone. They took no prisoners, no slaves, no plunder- they simply destroyed, annihilated.

The Campbells had a powerful holding hereabouts. The old man, Corwin was his name, entertained himself slaying the nastier creatures that occasionally issued forth from the Temberance Mountains. When the Call went out of course he rallied his men.

But there was more: Corwin’s wife Marla the Red was a Great Mage, as was her twin sister, The Drahlosahde. Together they had created something… the histories are very unclear. Perhaps deliberately so, who can tell these days? They created something, something of immense power. Something the Horde wanted. In all the writings that survive from those days it is named only once: The Rose.

Corwin was no fool. His eldest son, Corwin the Younger, was left behind with fifty men. They took the Rose and secreted it deep within the Catacombs of Campbell Keep. It was then that Marla bound them in an Oath, an Oath so mighty that it set the fires of the mighty Temberance to raging for centuries to come.

As Corwin marched forth to do battle his wife sought to buy him time, summoning Great Ones from the Four Corners of the world and beyond. Gar-shaldi the Troll King; Dark and Mysterious Kane who fought for reasons he would explain to none; sensies Xias and Fujiwara as well as the Serpent Prince (three who could never miss such a momentous fight); Thingol The Mad, Marroc the Masterful, Greywand The Elder, and many others. Together they set out to slow the Horde until Sir Campbell could marshal his forces.

The running battle lasted seven days and in that time, one by one, The Great Ones fell until only Kane, Xias and Vrenti remained, holding the final pass through the Cairn Hills for two days. Kane alone remained when the skirling pipes of Corwin’s legions could be heard echoing through the passes. He surveyed the wreck and ruin, and his fallen comrades. With a smile he vanished across the Threshold of Reality, leaving behind the echo of a whisper: “Right on time, Corwin.”

Corwin met the Horde by the headwaters of the Fale River. At his back were 5000 of the Faithful. Led by Corwin, for the first time a Human Army turned away the Horde. Casualties were horrendous, nearly half the force was decimated, but as the Horde turned to flee Corwin rallied his battered host in pursuit.

It was then The Gate appeared a massive rip in the fabric of Reality spanning the Valley of the Fale. The Horde ran for the Gate, ran for home.

None can say why- perhaps he sought vengeance, perhaps he simply refused to allow the Horde the chance to re-group and return. Either way, as the Enemy poured through the Gate Corwin raised his mighty sword and gave a cry that many say can still be heard echoing in the mountains: “Follow Me!” With that the Host of the Faithful charged in to the collapsing Gate and vanished forever from this world.

The battle was won, but the world lay in ruins. Little remained of civilization, and in the Temberance Mountains fifty-one Men bound beyond Death in an Oath of Unyielding Faith await Deliverance and the Ascension of The Rose…

-From “Great Legends Of The Golden Age” by Aliececas, c.970, Post Apocalypse

How this works

The temptation is to dig into the files and start tossing things up- the more, the better, right?  Problem is, a lot of what I have is literally ‘filed away,’ as in typed pages or spiral notebooks full of scribbling sitting in drawers in a filing cabinet. I’ll take one out, look at it, and realize that twenty or thirty years ago most of what I wrote was border-line porn and/or was really, really bad. The sleeping editor within starts coughing and snorting his way to wakefulness and then what should be a quick job of transcription becomes a day or three of rewriting.

 

Rewriting isn’t such a bad thing; lord knows I did enough of that in the novel, but when I’m done with one of these old stories the result is just not what it should be. The original may have sucked, but it had something lost in the rewrite. Add to this the fact that much of what I have is unfinished (a common problem I’m told, and one that separates Authors from people who wish they were authors) and you can see where I might decide not to just pump out 80,000 words of assorted drek all at once.

 

No, I’ll dole out the drek in judicious spoonfuls, starting with what follows this post.

And here we are…

The beautiful thing about a new blog by an unknown person is you can just do and say what you want for a few months (or maybe forever- it’s always possible that you’re just too damned boring for anyone to bother) until you get a feel for what you want to show to the world. Now, I’m not new to this whole thing- I was the creator of Weekend Pundit, a New Hampshire political and cultural site now run by my brother and his cohorts. I still post occasionally there, and I still have front page rights over at Dean Esmay’s site, so I’m not jumping into this naked and unprepared.

What you’ll find here is fiction I’ve written, and maybe a smattering of political or cultural commentary, but not too much politics- I gave up on ranting back in 2003. Bad for the blood pressure and accomplishes nothing. I have a novel I’ve written with Dean Esmay, Methuselah’s Daughter, and I’ll post excerpts, but most of that work appears on the main character’s blog- click on Zsallia Marieko in the blog roll to see more.

I’ll give this a few weeks and see what unfolds. Maybe I’ll keep at it, maybe I won’t.

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