Dean Esmay and I worked for close to three years to create our novel, Methuselah’s Daughter. It was a great experience and I’ll never regret doing it, but it was far from a perfect collaboration. One issue that has always nagged at me is the how and why of Zsallia’s immortality, and when we began working on the book Dean had the same question. I’ve had lots of working theories over the past 30 years to explain this, starting with the pure fantasy\/supernatural theory to a very nuts-and-bolts explanation involving intervention by an outside agency. I’ve never liked any of the theories, to be completely honest, and I’ve always tried to come up with a purely natural explanation that would at least semi-plausibly explain her halted aging and her ability to regenerate lost fingers, limbs, etc.<\/p>\n
In the end I told Dean my current working theory, one I was very unhappy with… and he fell in love with it. In his interpretation the ‘reality’ of her immortality lent a crucial pathos to the character and it was absolutely imperative we reveal this in order to conclude the novel in a powerful and uplifting way. For me, revealing the nature of her immortality, particularly in the manner I had described to him, stripped Zsallia of all her mystery and rendered her… boring.<\/p>\n
We wrote up a pair of chapters dealing with the revelation of how her immortality works, and the aftermath. They were pretty good pieces and I let myself be swayed into agreeing that this would be the ending we would work towards, but I was never happy about it, and as we worked on the book I would constantly come back to the problem, trying to convince Dean that i couldn’t let it work out this way. We fought over this off and on throughout the writing, even coming to a point where we stopped talking to each other for several months. In the end those chapters never made it into the book because I refused to do it and Dean was tired of fighting over it.<\/p>\n
As it turns out, that was pretty much the end of Zsallia for me. I can’t write her anymore because I just can’t get back inside her head- we twisted and changed her too much for me to believe in her anymore. I’ve been trying to keep things going on 3500years.com, but it is a painful and ultimately disheartening effort. Compared to the way she used to flow from my head to my keyboard writing her today is like trying to type one-fingered in the dark, with an air raid siren blaring in my ears. I have to accept that the character is dead to me; murdered, really. This may sound bitter, but I’m not angry- the book is the single greatest piece of writing I have ever produced and it never would have happened without Dean. So we only sold a hundred copies- that’s more than most people do in a lifetime.<\/p>\n
Given that Zsallia is dead I don’t see any reason not to post the chapters that killed her for me. I own the 3500years.com domain for another two years and the temptation to just leave the blog there is strong, but I know I’ll not be able to stop trying to finish her story as long as it’s there. I’m very seriously thinking of deleting it so I can move on to other things, even if it means i never write fiction again. If that means I was just a hack with only one good story in him, so be it. I just can’t shake the feeling that it’s time for the immortal woman to die.<\/p>\n
So, in the extended entry you will find two chapters: Revelation<\/em><\/strong>, and In The Desert<\/em><\/strong>. Rest in Peace, Zsallia.<\/p>\n Revelation<\/strong><\/p>\n Zsallia was very quiet, and that worried me. <\/span>Dr. Kelso had sounded excited when he asked to meet with her, and she had insisted I come along, but I could tell she was very nervous. <\/span>I\u2019d tried to get a hold of Dennis, but he was in The conference room was new, the smell of new carpet and fresh paint still strong enough to challenge the air conditioning. <\/span>There was a wall-spanning window facing south looking out past the edge of town to the fields beyond, and that gave the room a much less claustrophobic feel than your standard corporate meeting space. <\/span>The table was long with rounded edges, made of dark mahogany, with twelve very comfortable leather chairs surrounding it. <\/span>Before each seat there was an embedded LCD screen and discreet keyboard. <\/span>Six Plasma screens decorated the walls, currently displaying paintings of assorted landscapes. The whole thing was an immense waste of money in my opinion, but Zsallia had approved it. Her own office in the facility was directly across the hall.<\/p>\n We arrived early, but Dr. Kelso was already there, playing with his monitor as he spread his notes around, taking up the entire south end of the table. In characteristic fashion he just looked up and nodded at us when we came in. <\/span>Zsallia smiled at him, but it was a joyless expression and it was like I could see the color draining out of her face. I put my hand on her shoulder and she just shook me off. She took a seat and started off even before I\u2019d pulled out my chair.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought you expected to require several weeks, even months, before there would be any useful results, Dr. Kelso.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure. But I thought we\u2019d be looking for something subtle. I mean beyond that tumor in your head, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo you\u2019ve found\u2026 what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf I didn\u2019t know better I would say what you\u2019re looking at here is a bizarre and quite virulent systemic infection.\u201d<\/p>\n Dr. Kelso sat back, running his hands across his head from front to back as his gaze wandered between the display in front of him and my face. He was pointedly not looking at Zsallia, whose face was utterly unreadable. I\u2019d gotten to know and like the man and I could tell he was more than a little unhappy with what he had just said.<\/p>\n \u201cInfection?\u201d I asked him, just to prod him onward. <\/span>He stared at me, and then graced me with his quick little jackhammer of a nod.<\/p>\n \u201cYes. It comes across as a massive blood infection at first glance, the vector apparently being viral. <\/span>We managed to isolate several specimens, umm\u2026 one moment, I was setting up the display when you came in\u2026 ah, there.\u201d<\/p>\n The screens on the wall abruptly changed, three of them displaying what were likely electron microscope images of what looked like small squares along with more complex arrangements like nested tic-tac-toe grids, or interconnected pyramids. The other three screens showed the same pictures, but they had been color-enhanced.<\/p>\n \u201cThe specimens were damned difficult to isolate,\u201d he continued, \u201cThey just disintegrated after we drew blood samples. <\/span>We had to draw, prep slides and freeze them within minutes or there wouldn\u2019t be anything to look at, and even then, sometimes the damned sample wouldn\u2019t fix until it hit minus 50 centigrade.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou said it was viral- these don\u2019t look like a virus to me, they\u2019re too big, too complex. <\/span>So why viral?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh! The DNA, of course. <\/span>In simple terms a virus is just a snip of genetic material wrapped in a protein coating. It infiltrates a cell and co-opts the cell\u2019s internal machinery to produce more virus bits. <\/span>These beasties are somewhat bigger and they have these assorted lattice structures, something we\u2019d never seen before outside theoretical speculations. <\/span>So we were able to strip some bits of it away and we tried to match it\u2026 and it was hers. These things are built from snippets of her own genetic code, and not small ones, either. If we assume a natural process behind all this a virus is the only one that fits the profile\u2026 badly, of course, but close enough for a working hypothesis.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo this looks like a runaway physical ailment,\u201d Zsallia said, her voice very level and under control, \u201cExcept that you said \u2018If I didn\u2019t know better\u2019. <\/span>What do you know better?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTwo things. We found, quite by accident mind you, that they consume a left-handed isomer of glucose. <\/span>The human body burns glucose quite happily, but only the right-handed isomer\u2026 you look confused,\u201d he said, looking at me.<\/p>\n \u201cIf they\u2019re nothing but chunks of genetic material, how can they \u2018consume\u2019 anything?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPrecisely!<\/em>\u201d he exclaimed, clapping his hands together and nodding so rapidly I was certain he ought to get whiplash. \u201cThere is a flaw in the structure! It remains stable so long as it can grab these left-handed sugars- once it hasn\u2019t got anymore the whole thing just unravels!\u201d He sat there grinning like a maniac, his head vibrating up and down so fast I swore it started to blur.<\/p>\n \u201cYou said there were two things\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, yes,\u201d he paused and turned to face her. \u201cIt\u2019s that lump in your brain\u2026 here, let me put this up on the wall.\u201d He made a few mouse clicks and put up what looked like a three-dimensional representation of the brain with the tumor color coded in red and blue. \u201cThe tumor has two parts. <\/span>This larger blue portion in the front appears to be dormant. <\/span>If I expand this\u2026 ahh, there. <\/span>See?\u201d<\/p>\n I\u2019d seen x-rays and cat scans of the tumor before, but this was far, far more detailed. <\/span>The forward portion of the tumor had tendrils extending in to the forward part of the brain, branching out to several different discreet sections.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s all through the visual cortex and the cognitive centers of the brain, but it looks almost dead. <\/span>The PET scans showed only minimal energy consumption there. <\/span>Now, the rear portion is something else entirely.\u201d<\/p>\n He scrolled the display to show the image from the back of the skull. <\/span>I could see the red image and its tendrils mostly running in a bunch to the rear of the brain, then down in to the brainstem. A few of them extended even further off screen, presumably down the spinal column.<\/p>\n \u201cThis little beastie is alive and kicking. <\/span>It\u2019s wrapped all through the central nervous system. <\/span>We haven\u2019t done a full body scan but I\u2019ll bet it\u2019s got its fingers into her lymphatic system as well. <\/span>We also believe it may be the source of the left-hand glucose those viral lattice structures need to survive. Haven\u2019t had a chance to figure out how it\u2019s doing it, though, but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n He tapered off, just staring at the screen and grinning for a few minutes while I digested what he\u2019d told us. <\/span>She was absolutely still, just staring at the screen, her face still emotionless.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere did it come from?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere?\u201d he asked, startled out of his grinning reverie, \u201cI don\u2019t know. <\/span>Hell, half of what I\u2019m telling you is guesswork. <\/span>More than half, most of it, really. <\/span>We only had two weeks to run the scans and take samples before you told us to piss off for a while. <\/span>Once we started looking closely all sorts of things started leaping out at us. <\/span>I mean there are a dozen Nobel prizes sitting on my computer right now and we haven\u2019t looked at more than five percent of the data. <\/span>This is going to take years\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoc! <\/span>Where?\u201d I interrupted.<\/p>\n He paused and looked unhappily at us both in turn before sighing.<\/p>\n \u201cI can only speculate. Given the way all this seems to interoperate there\u2019s just no way to support the notion of it being a fluke or some infection. This is way too sophisticated for that.\u201d<\/p>\n Zsallia didn\u2019t look like she was listening, but my curiosity was huge, so I asked, \u201cYou don\u2019t see anything\u2026 supernatural here?\u201d<\/p>\n He made a face. \u201cI\u2019m a scientist, I don\u2019t deal in the supernatural, and nature doesn\u2019t allow paradoxes. These look like interdependent biological phenomena to me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA mutation?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n He snorted. \u201cNot bloody likely.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSome kind of parasite or\u2026.?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe a symbiotic organism, but nothing we\u2019ve ever…\u201d<\/p>\n Zsallia interrupted suddenly, her voice rather quiet. \u201cYou think it is impossible for this to be natural, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cImpossible is a word I don\u2019t throw around lightly,\u201d he replied, suddenly looking cautious, \u201cbut if you\u2019re asking my opinion… this is just too neat. <\/span>It\u2019s something we\u2019ve never seen in nature. Either issue alone, the tumor or the \u2018virus\u2019, maybe, but together? And one dependent on the other?\u201d He shook his head. \u201cNo. I don\u2019t believe it\u2019s natural. I can\u2019t prove it, but if I were going to bet on it, that would be my choice.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI see,\u201d she said, staring at the tabletop. The she looked up at him again and asked, \u201cAm I a human being?\u201d This time her voice was so very quiet I was surprised Kelso even heard it, but he nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust yes? That simple?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, that simple. Aside from the thing in your head you have the morphology of a human being, you have the correct number of gene pairs, and they\u2019re the right length. Your anatomy is completely normal. So far I haven\u2019t seen anything beyond that to suggest you\u2019re not human.\u201d He turned to me. \u201cDo you find her sexually attractive?\u201d<\/p>\n I stammered on that one and he nodded, \u201cSo you pass the test of our built in human female detector. I\u2019d like to map your entire genome but really, that\u2019s enough for me. What\u2019s going on and why? There are still more questions than answers.\u201d<\/p>\n She sat in her seat, arms crossed, staring at the display on the wall like it was some kind of dangerous animal. <\/span>Dr. Kelso got a little fidgety after a minute or two.<\/p>\n \u201cYou said something about the virus,\u201d I said, \u201cabout the structure- that there were theories\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe lattices and pyramids, yes- strictly theoretical, and not actually from the medical field. It was all about using DNA in the manufacture of nano-scale machines. It\u2019s never been done, but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut maybe it has been,\u201d she finished for him.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know. <\/span>We haven\u2019t seen these things actually do anything. We just know that every cell sample we\u2019ve examined has this virus inserted in its DNA, and we see these virus-like structures all through your blood. Beyond that\u2026\u201d He ended with a shrug.<\/p>\n She was silent then, just staring at the screens on the wall and it was like I could see the storm clouds gathering. <\/span>What was she thinking?<\/p>\n \u201cI figured you\u2019d want to see this\u2026\u201d he began, looking a little lost.<\/p>\n \u201cOf course,\u201d she snapped, then in a gentler tone, \u201cwould you please excuse us, Dr. Kelso?\u201d<\/p>\n He looked surprised and glanced at me. <\/span>I hazarded a microscopic nod and he rose from his seat. <\/span>As he moved towards the door she spoke again.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is all in the utmost confidence, doctor. <\/span>Make certain your team is reminded of that in no uncertain terms.<\/p>\n \u201cPlease close the door,\u201d she asked me after he left.<\/p>\n \u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n I got up, keeping my eye on her as I secured the door to the conference room. She sat there, just staring at the display on the wall, absolutely still. I went to Dr. Kelso\u2019s seat and started cycling through the other pictures he\u2019d shown us. <\/span>There was a loud bang<\/em>, and I looked up to find her across the room. <\/span><\/p>\n There was a hidden bar in the conference room and she\u2019d pulled it open, pouring scotch in to a ludicrously huge tumbler. <\/span>I nearly laughed, except that she picked up the glass and downed the entire thing, and set it back down to refill it\u2014a smooth, fluid motion that she repeated a second time. I could hear her throat crackling as she took it down in huge gulps.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is\u2026 pretty important information, Zsalli.\u201d I offered. <\/span>Her head snapped around and she wobbled slightly, off balance. <\/span>Like she\u2019d forgotten I was there and was shocked when I spoke. She looked at me in total incomprehension. It was like I could see her replaying what I\u2019d said, trying to understand it. <\/span>Then, for a brief moment, her face twisted and her eyes popped into raw, naked fury. <\/span>It was just a second or two, but I stiffened from head to toe as she shook, visibly forcing herself to regain control.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, it certainly makes sense, doesn\u2019t it?\u201d she said as she took up her glass and the bottle of Chivas, and moved stiffly back to the table, where she fell in to her chair. <\/span>She took a sip from the tumbler, almost absently, and I could see the alcohol hitting her as she looked up at me again, her eyes a little glassy. <\/span>\u201cIt would\u2019ve been nice if I were just a mistake. <\/span>I could handle being a genetic cluster fuck.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ve talked about this before,\u201d I said, choosing my words very carefully, \u201cyou know that that was never very likely.\u201d<\/p>\n She laughed, a little hysterically. \u201cNigh impossible,\u201d she agreed, before taking another long pull from her glass, \u201cbut I see people making denial a centerpiece of their lives every day. <\/span>Why not me? <\/span>A quiet, happy little lie to keep the horror at arm\u2019s length.\u201d <\/span>Her eyes focused on me again, and I could see her struggling with\u2026 with what? <\/span>\u201cIt\u2019s so simple, you see. Those viruses he was talking about, they run around fixing things. <\/span>They keep me young, and healthy, and beautiful\u2026 but there\u2019s another one,\u201d she tapped her head then, \u201cand just what the fuck do you think he\u2019s doing, tucked up inside my brain?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe don\u2019t know yet. <\/span>You heard him- it seems to support the virus, maybe it even controls\u2026\u201d I regretted that word as soon as I said it, and her eyes hardened.<\/p>\n \u201cExactly,\u201d<\/em> she hissed. <\/span>\u201cI think he\u2019s there to keep me out of trouble. <\/span>He\u2019s all wrapped through my brain, and down my spinal column, he\u2019s got me all wired in, all tied up.\u201d <\/span>She stopped and drained her glass, looked at the bottle, then refilled it again.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe scotch isn\u2019t such a good idea\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I want your opinion\u2026 oh, the hell with it.\u201d She laughed. \u201cIt\u2019s not like this\u2019ll hurt me you know. Here, fuck it, have some, get drunk with me. I\u2019ll watch you pass out after half a bottle and I\u2019ll drink two and in less than an hour I\u2019ll be stone cold sober. <\/span>Those little bastards won\u2019t even let me have a hangover.\u201d<\/p>\n She didn\u2019t usually swear this much. She was obviously oscillating between bitterness and levity, and bitterness was winning out. <\/span>I groped for something I could say, something I could give her to grab on to and pull herself out of this, but she was staring at me, and her eyes were narrow.<\/p>\n \u201cStop it. <\/span>Stop trying to help me. <\/span>I\u2019ve got all the goddamned help I need right up here!\u201d She smacked the palm of her hand against the side of her head so hard I could practically feel it myself. \u201cThree Thousand Five Hundred years\u2026 give or take, and not once did I ever seriously consider killing myself. <\/span>That\u2019s a little hard to believe, isn\u2019t it? <\/span>Maybe my little friend up here has been hard at work?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut wait, there was that time you let that guy stab\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cStop talking to me.\u201d She snapped. She stood unsteadily, banging against the table before regaining her balance, then stomped over to another recessed cabinet and threw it open, digging through it, tossing things on the floor until she pulled out a flat, square gun case. <\/span>I was already on my feet. As I moved quickly around the table I barked my shins on a chair and stumbled and swore. When I looked up the pistol was in her hand, a ridiculously large automatic, dull grey with a worn handle, and she had expertly snapped a magazine into place. I took two more steps as she chambered a round and pointed it at the floor in front of me. I froze, then cursed to myself as I saw her thumb off the safety.<\/p>\n