I had already been up two hours or more when dawn drew near and the younger Kelly began to awaken. As I heard him begin to stir, I pulled down the tent wall he had strung against the lean-to, then ran a few steps and smoothly mounted the horse I had prepared. I readied one of the two muskets I had loaded, took careful aim, and waited. A silent smile touched my lips as he bellowed a loud oath at the sudden inrush of cold air?and a louder one when he discovered himself hobbled. While he slept on his side in the night I had managed to reach under his thick blankets without waking him and tie his left wrist behind his back by a short length of rope to his right ankle. I had used a clever knot that only tightened (and thus would only be felt) when he began to yank on it. He would be able to sleep comfortably but not to stand without removing the rope. As he cursed and fell over in the sudden morning cold, his father also stirred and gave a yelp, finding himself similarly half-tied. At that moment I fired the weapon, aiming between the two of them, then dropped the gun to the ground.
\n
\nTo my surprise the horse bucked; I had assumed the animal was trained not to start at gunfire. But I quickly brought the gelding under control. While keeping my eyes on the men and pulling out the second musket, I successfully managed to get the horse’s feet back on the ground just as I leveled the second gun at both men.<\/p>\n
The horse’s bucking now seemed all to the good; the image we presented as I came down and took aim at them, rifled musket in one hand and the reins in the other, must have been rather dramatic. In any case it had the desired effect: both men were in half-crouches, frozen and staring at me, their mouths agape. The sound of the shot that had whizzed between their heads must have still rung in their ears.<\/p>\n
Shooting from horseback was even easier than using a bow from horseback, I thought to myself with some satisfaction. Then I spoke in a clear, firm voice.<\/p>\n
“Gentlemen! My first shot was between both your heads, and was no accident. My second shot shall also be no accident, but will embed itself into the belly of the first man to move to stop me. I am returning to my husband, and I will not be interfered with. Do I make myself clear?”<\/p>\n
The tableau remained frozen for a moment, both men on their knees and I on the shivering appaloosa as we listened to the breeze whistle in our ears. The son looked to his father. The father looked around and noticed the obvious: while they had slept I had not only managed to half-tie the both of them, but I had taken every weapon in the camp, all without causing either of them to so much as stir. Finally he licked his lips and spoke, obviously trying to buy time to think.<\/p>\n
“Now Mizzus McAllister,” he began. Even as he manfully tried to sound placating, he already sounded rather shaken. Still, I let him continue. “Y’ must know if this storm comes up you may not make it back to that cabin. He pro’bly won’t be alive even if you do make it back.”<\/p>\n
I stared at him levelly, and let out my words very carefully.<\/p>\n
“Let us both,” I said, pausing a bit for effect, “hope that is not the case.”<\/p>\n
I did not hate these men, and I realized my anger the night before had not been so much with them as with myself for allowing these circumstances to come about. But I could not stop myself from knowing that had my Jeremy died in the night I would hunt them down wherever they might be and kill them both with my bare hands.<\/p>\n
I shook myself and forced myself back to calmness. “I shall be returning to my husband, regardless of his fate. You shall continue on your way and will make no attempt to interfere with me again. Are we clear on this matter?”<\/p>\n
They both looked at each other, uncertain.<\/p>\n
“ARE WE AGREED ON THIS OR ARE WE NOT?” I bellowed.<\/p>\n
Finally I sensed the father’s will completely break. He would not interfere. His son, seeing the capitulation in his father’s eyes, also relented. Both men nodded and murmured, “yes ma’am.”<\/p>\n
With grim satisfaction, I carefully placed the musket into its saddle pocket, pulled out a large hunting knife, and hurled it at the banked fire, where it stuck blade-first into one of the smoldering logs. They both stared at it, startled, as I dismounted.<\/p>\n
“You may use that knife to untie yourselves, and I shall leave you your muskets. I sense that you would not shoot a woman in the back.” As my feet touched the ground, I gathered my pack from the horse’s back. “Now if you will excuse me,” I said, turning back toward them, “I have a very long walk ahead of me.”<\/p>\n
I had mounted the horse both for dramatic effect and so that I might gallop away if need be. But I did not want to steal the horse, and once I knew from their demeanor that they would let me go there was no reason to stay mounted. I would walk with the mule.<\/p>\n
Will Kelly was pulling the knife from the fire as I spoke, but his father continued to stare at me.<\/p>\n
“No, Mizzus McAllister,” he finally said. “You take that horse, and the supplies with it. We’ll have enough for the post. You haven’t got much chance but that horse and his supplies will help you. If the weather clears in the next couple weeks, we’ll send a party to look… to look for the both of you.” I could tell by his tone that he expected nothing but two corpses to be found, and perhaps not even that.<\/p>\n
I hesitated. I did not want to take charity from them. But as his son cut his bonds away, he allowed a hint of pleading to enter his voice.<\/p>\n
“You’re gonna need them supplies,” Mr. Kelly said. Then his son cut himself free and turned to face me.<\/p>\n
“Pa’s right ma’am. Sides, we just…” he looked to his father, who nodded at him to continue. “We just couldn’t live with ourselfs if we didn’t try to leave you with what we could.”<\/p>\n
They had no idea how close they had been…might be… to death at my hands. I did not want their charity. But seeing my hesitation, Tom Kelly spoke again.<\/p>\n
“We’ll keep your mule in trade,” he said. “You take what you need from it and you go on. We’ll say a prayer for you.”<\/p>\n
I swallowed, and my heart swelled. These were good men, though I knew I could not stop what would happen if I found Jeremy dead. But I nodded, and then re-mounted the appaloosa as both men stood. I allowed them to remove some of our things from our pack mule, and to strap them across the back of my new mount. Though I knew from their bearing they would keep their word, I kept a grip on my gun and my knife.<\/p>\n
As he finished tying the last sack to the saddle, Will Kelly spoke cautiously. “We’ll take ya back if you want, Ma’am. We promise… I promise….”<\/p>\n
“No.” I said, firmly. “You and your father go on to that trading post and let me be. You are…” I swallowed. “You are good men, you are. But I have made my way alone in the world for… for a very long time. I thank you for your gift and your concern.” Then, before they could see my face, I dug my heels into the gelding’s side and galloped away.<\/p>\n
I never looked back. I knew they would not follow.<\/p>\n
Finding my way back along the trail was harder than I had anticipated, although I had done my best to note our path the day before. As morning progressed the day failed to lighten, angry black clouds casting a shroud across the sky while the wind blew from the north, steadily rising. A light snow began to fall and swiftly increased to a heavy downfall, coating all in sight with deadly beauty. I was suddenly grateful we had left the plains behind the week before; such a storm in open ground would be brutal beyond imagining. As it was I did pause to wrap myself in my heavy cloak and an extra blanket, and to rub the horse’s legs.<\/p>\n
Whatever marks there might have been for the trail were soon lost to me and I navigated by keeping the icy north wind to my back and attempting to discern some clearer path amongst the trees. By this time in my existence I had developed a sense of direction that I trusted intimately, but even so I found myself forced to backtrack more than once. As the snow fell harder I sometimes became confused, forced to guess what direction to take based on nothing more than intuition. With thousands of winters behind me, that intuition was now my only hope.<\/p>\n
The world began to slow. I had been on the trail for what felt like better than half a day and my stomach protested, but I was unwilling to stop. The aching fear that had driven me earlier was now a numbness creeping inward, my mind wandering, unfocused as the horse picked its own path amongst the trees. I wanted to stop, to just take a moment to rest, but I knew the danger of that and forced myself to press onward.<\/p>\n
I abruptly noticed that I was gasping and that painful tears had frozen on my face. I angrily ground them from my cheeks and wrapped my scarf tighter around my face. Vainly I watched ahead for any sign of smoke. If Jeremy were alive he would have kept the fire burning and I hoped eventually to see smoke in the sky. My eyes burned desperately for that sight, but the north wind and the driving snow made such evidence impossible to discern. Sudden violent shivers threatened to throw me from my mount and I clung to the saddle in desperation even as I felt my hope fading like a physical thing within me.<\/p>\n
More terrifying notions worked their way in to the muddled flow of my thoughts. I had found myself in the wilderness in winter before, where I might fetch myself up in some small hole and fall asleep, only to find myself awakening in springtime, ravenous. I worried constantly that the horse might fall over and die in the cold, making me more likely to find myself repeating that experience?and knowing full well that if it did happen I would never see my Jeremy again.<\/p>\n
This I could not allow. I would not allow it, I could not. That anger lent me some energy, refocusing my thoughts as I prodded the gelding forward once more. But I fell again into that almost dream-like state of confusion, broken only by more violent shivering as the temperature seemed to plunge. Eventually all I could do was to cling tightly to the forward edge of the saddle, my body mo longer able to muster the energy to move or even shiver. A very small part of me cried out as I felt a curious sensation of warmth ooze through me, a kind of peaceful calm and comfort. A gentle urge to lie down and take my ease began to overcome me.<\/p>\n
The horse stopped again, and I noted it with the calm detachment of the hopeless. I knew I could not make myself prod the animal further. Something wailed inside me, trying to break through that thick fog of exhaustion and defeat, but I paid it no heed, instead focusing on the odd swirling of the snow as the wind pushed it before me. My vision, already blurred, began to contract until I was staring down a long dark tunnel to a brilliant white landscape of wind-driven snow piling up against… what?<\/p>\n
The world snapped back in to focus, my body wracked with pain. I had fallen from the saddle, landing on my back. As I gazed up in to the falling snow I realized my view was cut off by something. My thoughts were so slow… idly, I speculated: it could not be the horse, for it was too straight, and it came to a corner… the cabin roof.<\/p>\n
All motion was pain and my body began to shake, forcing me to curl in upon myself, hugging the pain to me, letting it force energy in to my limbs as I held the darkness at bay. My arms and legs screamed in protest such that I cried out, but I pulled myself to my feet and staggered towards the front of the cabin, plowing my way through snow drifts, some three feet deep, pulling the horse behind me, my wrist still wrapped up in the reins.<\/p>\n
I cast my gaze upward and saw no smoke from any fire. In that moment, I knew, I knew in my heart that he was dead, my Jeremy was gone. I screamed in rage. I could not feel my hands or feet as I pulled at the door’s lever. With another scream at the sky I forced the door open, nearly falling through it as I struggled to free myself from the tangled reins. I left the shivering gelding standing in the doorway as I crawled, weeping in frustration and rage, toward the unmoving blanket-wrapped figure on the bed. But as I reached the side of the bed his eyes opened and focused slowly upon me.<\/p>\n
I became dimly aware that the nearby fire was banked but glowing, though I could not feel its warmth. The world began closing into a tunnel surrounding Jeremy’s face. He stared at me, and I stared at him. “Elaine…?” he gasped, his voice unbelieving. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard in all my existence. I still could not feel anything, but I slowly pulled myself up on to the bed and buried my face in his chest. I hugged him fiercely. “Never. I’ll never let you go. Never…” I murmured it like a prayer.<\/p>\n
“Elaine… my God you’re so cold… how…”<\/p>\n
“Foolish man,” I whispered through chattering teeth as I drank in his smell and hugged him even tighter. “Don’t you understand… you cannot die without me by your side?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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